November Thoroscopes

Allow me, master zodiac guru, Madame Madeline, to guide you through your astral turn in this mortal coil.

Aries: In your case, revenge is a dish best served piping hot and boiling. Don’t hold back this month and let your anguish out. Although, be careful you don’t burn yourself in the process.

Taurus: Cherish your loved ones and hold them closer than you’ve ever held before. But be prepared to let go.

Gemini: The clouds of unrest are parting and the sun has returned! Avoid reliving the more unpleasant memories; they have a tendency to bite back.

Cancer: I see passionate morbidity in your future. Make sure to leave offerings at the graveyard when you visit! Coins are always appreciated by the spirits, but flowers are a suitable substitute.

Leo: Step away from the mirror! You never know what’s on the other side, it could be dangerous.

Virgo: Your schedule works against you. Take time for yourself and indulge in your favorite pleasures, like chocolate, or The Devil Wears Prada.

Libra: Your indecisive yet stubborn nature is smothering you and those around you. Try not to think too hard about what you specifically want and go with your gut.

Scorpio: An era of struggle will be coming to an end this month, be impulsive and dress in black.

Sagittarius: Your spirit had been inherited many times before you, be mindful with how you spend your time here this time around. After all, this is simply this body’s turn.

Capricorn: I see a bitter cold winter in your future. Take care and buy some wool socks and nice boots. Preferably, boots with good gripping soles for some possible running away from some possibly dangerous and incredibly large eldritch creatures. All hypothetical, though, nothing to be worried about.

Aquarius: Your favorite gum will come back in style. Just kidding! It will not! And it never will again! But your favorite loafers will.

Pisces: Wipe your tears and stand tall, fish boy. Invest in some protective quartz, you may need its assistance in the near future.